Senior Year Reflection

Senior year: the year I’ve been waiting for since I left Franklin Middle School for Central High School. Rising-freshman Kerry-Ann wanted to get through high school easily before transitioning to an amazing college. I maintained that naïve mindset as an underclassman until reality struck junior year. As an upperclassman, my focus settled on aiming high and working hard to achieve such. However, it wasn’t easy.

Junior year, I had a spark. I wanted to impress colleges badly. I wanted them to ignore my D in Accelerated Geometry and F in Accelerated Pre-Calculus. I wanted them to ignore the fact that I wasn’t taking any AP courses and how my rigor decreased. So to do that, everything academically required effort – and lots of it. I made it through fine, though, with straight A’s in classes that mattered (sorry, P.E) and a high ACT score. I assumed my senior year would be the same situation.

I worked hard as if my life was on the line my first semester senior year. I juggled three AP classes and my new role as a journalism editor. I spent every moment of free time on either my college application essays or homework. I forced myself to work through that nagging feeling of laziness. I procrastinated, but who didn’t? I barely slept the recommended amount, but who didn’t? I was unorganized and all over the place, but who wasn’t? All I wanted was to receive a large envelope in the mail from where I would spend the next four years doing way more than that.

Junior-year-me craved that kind of situation, pushing myself beyond my limit hoping to be rewarded with recognition. That was where everything stemmed from: recognition. Sure, it was nice hearing from my teachers and counselor how I was a bright young woman with an even brighter future; but, I felt like it wasn’t enough. My high school experience taught me that it wasn’t enough.

The thing is, recognition from colleges is satisfying, yet demanding. It was nice knowing that a dreadful chapter in my life was ending for a new one to start; however, that approaching chapter only brought more concerns. And I’m feeling it now. Second-semester-senior-me is only worried about graduating, so the effort isn’t really there, while rising-college-freshman-me is worried about how much more demanding things will be.

Reflecting on my senior year, I realized how much of a test high school in general is. I waited for this year for what felt like an eternity, only for it to be somewhat of a disappointment. I spent four years stressing over grades and appearing amazing on paper only to realize that I would be doing the same thing next year.